if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Best friends brother. Beat that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
