It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
