Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
