I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize