hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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