Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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