yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
