They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
