But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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