I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
