put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
