3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so that wasnt chicken after all
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
