I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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