Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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