Banned from zoo.
Again?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
