i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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