Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
