That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
