is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
