I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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