I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
