I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
