theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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