she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
