I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
