i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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