Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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