i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize