How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
