She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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