Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
