I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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