Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
