JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
