i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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