hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Two words: blizzard sex
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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