Define "chronic" masturbator.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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