Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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