woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
