And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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