My sheets look like a crime scene.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
