last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
