maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize