I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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