every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I stole a fireplace last night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
