Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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