he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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