I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
