I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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