The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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