Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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