i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
