I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize