If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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