Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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