I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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