I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
