I accidentally burped into my bong.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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