I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
