Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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