He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
