i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
