Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize