I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
