you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
