there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you win again, gameday.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
