paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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