almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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