Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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