She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
