Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
